When is the last time you took a good look at your spouse/romantic partner? Have you noticed the way he or she dressed up for the last special occasion you attended together, or styled his or her hair for that important business meeting a couple weeks ago? When have you last taken in and enjoyed the scent of her favorite perfume, or gave a flirtatious squeeze to his bicep after a workout at the gym? How much time do you think has passed since you’ve told your partner that he or she is beautiful/handsome/sexy? More importantly, how long has it been since you’ve actually felt that way?
Unfortunately, as humans we tend to grow so accustomed to the things that reoccur in our daily lives that we end up approaching them with less wonder, less awe, and less appreciation than we do the things that don’t. Even those we love are not always an exception to this. We adapt and often take for granted all that we have readily available to us, which often leads us to seek the rare, exciting, and unique----the things we mistake as more special. As most of us already know, this tendency is a major component of the whole “want what you CAN’T have” syndrome.
But is the rare and unique actually better than what we already have in front of us? Not necessarily (even if we CAN get it). Different and unusual may be just that, different and unusual; two qualities with an expiration-date. As mentioned before, it doesn’t take long for us to adapt to and become less struck by the once “new.” So we wonder, are we just not meant to be happy? Are we destined to a life of chasing one shiny object after the next, rushing to capture and soak in any temporary pleasure it has to offer until it, too, becomes less shiny?
Believe it or not, these are not complicated questions to answer and can actually be resolved by simply looking at your partner; really looking in a way you might not have in a long time. You chose him. You chose her. Why?
Could be that you’ve never seen anyone else with that specific dimple she has on her nose that you still love to circle your finger around as you watch TV cuddled up on the couch. Maybe it’s because you noticed the strange way he closes his left eye while tasting a certain food or drink for the first time… and how it still makes you laugh. Could be the way she gives your hand a gentle squeeze before getting up from the dinner table, or how even his simplest hug has always seemed naturally-powered by full intent and meaning. The way whatever it is makes you feel safe, loved, and at home.
Deep down, you know that there’s nobody else who will give you that same squeeze, or that same hug. It is rare, exciting, unique, and truly special.
We pick our partner out of the bunch because he or she is not like the others; different, intriguing, uncommon. It makes no sense then to return to the bunch in search of something else. Instead, it seems much more logical and worthwhile to focus our energy on reminding ourselves to want what we CAN have; the one who’s already been there, already wanting us.
Right now (literally), you have the ability to walk over to your partner and get that customized hug, kiss, cuddle, and love that got you signed up with him or her in the first place. If you really think about it, there is nothing sexier, more beautiful, or more extraordinary than that.